Heavy Lifting

Heavy Lifting

I was shopping early in the morning at Walmart and got to witness a team meeting. The store manager was gathering around the employees to get them hyped up and excited about their jobs (which was a very humorous event in my mind).  He had them clapping and cheering and calling out some medieval Walmart chant—the kind you could march into battle with.  My first thought was that I had walked in a locker room for a Super Bowl team.  My next thought was, this must be what it feels like to work somewhere they give you stock options. One of the managers talked about how great sales were this year compared to a year ago.  Then another manager got up and spoke about how they had had no injuries from employees in the last 120 days and we have a goal of no injuries in a year.  Then it happened!  Something that stayed with me for life that I would quote in jest and in encouragement. 

That same manager had a 50 lb. bag of dog food laying on the floor and did a role play where a customer accidentally knocked it off and now the employee has to put it back.  He showed the wrong way to do it that would cause injury to them and possibly the product as well, and then he said it—those 8 words that stuck to this day—“LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS NOT WITH YOUR BACK”.  And then he pulled a lady from the crowd. He brought her over and had her demonstrate how to lift this bag properly and put it away.  SHE DID IT LIKE A BOSS AND THEN EVERYONE CLAPPED! My first thought was, “That was absolutely stupid!  Your peers are clapping and cheering on how you lift dog food?”  If they could only see some of the stuff I do at work!  I think the only time I have ever been clapped for at work is once when I tripped in front of everyone and they clapped, laughed and cheered. And another job where I annoyed everyone (shocking I know) and when I quit, they started clapping because they were so glad THAT was over with. 

Over the next years I would always pull out that quote when I saw someone lifting something in the gym, house, street, school, you name it—“LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS NOT WITH YOUR BACK!”.  And every time I said it I would remember those people clapping for the dog food lifting lady. Ironically I have pulled muscles in my back several times for lifting with my back and not my legs.  I have seen people hurt themselves doing this in the gym, sports, and strangely in their homes reaching for a jar of pickles or simply twisting in a weird manner that ticked off their back muscles who were probably screaming at them, “LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS NOT WITH YOU BACK STUPID!”

I love to go to the gym and push myself to “Go Big or Go Home” when I exercise. I know that this resonates with some of you, but for others and it’s an excuse to simply GO HOME.  This illustration makes me think about all the other lifting I have done in life, and how I did most of it wrong, which only has continued to cause me pain and damage.  All of us have done a ton of heavy lifting in our lives:  emotional lifting, managing internal and external pain, financial lifting, friendship and family lifting, spiritual lifting, educational lifting, occupational lifting, ethical lifting, moral lifting and if you are like me you have done more incorrect forms of lifting in these areas of your life than you have doing it right.  I haven’t always had people come along side me to show me how to do it right so that I don’t do damage to myself or others around me when I am incorrectly lifting these things.  AND THEN, get this, I can actually tell you almost exactly how many times in my life people have come around me and cheered me on because I did it right.  In fact, in my office I have an “Atta-Boy” file where I could show you every email, letter, card, and scrap of paper that was ever given to me telling me what a great job I was doing and why.  I keep that file close because many days I feel like everything I touch I have lifted wrong and caused pain. 

When I examine my own heart and attitudes as a leader I have tried to break away from this with the people I guide.  I want to be a leader that says yes much more than I say no.  I want to be a leader that corrects through kindness and shows the positives in what they did, but the potential in what they can do if they tried it “this” way.  I want to be a leader that works with their team and doesn’t make the team feel like they are working for me.  But I also know that because of all the incorrect lifting I have done in life that I am hardest on myself and most days would love someone to simply clap and say good job.  This is no slight against the people that are leading me in this season of my life, I think we all need this.  I have never met anyone who has said “STOP ENCOURAGING ME, IT MAKES ME FEEL FUNNY!”  But I have met many people, like myself, due to their past who shut themselves off, become defensive, and withdraw themselves from the process, team, job, product, goal, mission, friendship, and life. 

LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS NOT WITH YOUR BACK (Insert Cheering Here)!  I believe the older we get the heavier the lifting gets.  The more we need others to come along side and encourage.  Our negative judgmental nature that we were all born with, if not harnessed and broken like a wild horse, will end up hurting us and others.  My thoughts about myself and others are one of the top two things that have done more damage in my leadership than almost anything else.  My tongue and the things I have said about myself and others came in at a close number two!  I have found that when I hadn’t dealt with all the junk in my life, then it was easier to throw that junk onto others. Sometimes it’s subconscious and we don’t even realize we are doing it.  I remember reading a paper by John Locke in which he stated, “All revolutions begin in your mind and then those thoughts evolve into words that eventually will evolve into action.”  Read that about 10 more times.  If you live in America and are reading this you are the product of the American Revolution, the War of 1812, the Civil War, and others.  Thank God we broke away from the English, so that we could have dental care and things like that!  Thank God we didn’t fall under the French or else we would not even like ourselves! And thank God the North and South were brought back together because the Red Neck Comedy Tour is one of my favorites.   We have to remember that everyone in a Revolution feels that that are doing the right thing, until we look back in history and see it with clearer facts and perspective.

We are much the same way in our own personal revolutions and internal wars.  We think we are right! Until we look back 10, 20, or 30 years later and see the carnage and devastation that has taken place.  We have all the money we need but our family left us or your kids hate you.  You did well in life, but you ran over everyone in your way to get there and now you don’t have any friends. Or you took other shortcuts that you hope no one ever finds out about.  I love this one—you never took a risk because you never felt you were smart enough, good enough, and whatever it was and think would just fail anyway. I could go on and fill pages of paper here but I think you get the idea. 

In my life, I have killed relationships in my family and with friends.  I have done more things I am not proud of, than the Kardashians entire family (maybe other than Bruce or whatever her name is now).  I have run from pain and problems and missed a deeper purpose and plan for my life.  I have disappointed, confused, saddened, destroyed, and angered others in my life who tried to be in my cheering corner.  Why?  Because I chose to lift and carry the weight that I was given in that moment the wrong way.  Maybe it’s a guy thing—or maybe I am just prideful—but it has always been nice to be seen as strong.  Internally I can fake being strong easily, although I am doing damage to myself almost every time I do. However, it is much harder to fake being strong on the outside. 

I remember in Junior High (Middle School to my millennial friends) I was trying to impress a girl (shocker I know) and was lifting things for her. First let me say that she was not cute—she was Middle School HOT! So I pulled out all the stops and wanted to prove that chivalry was still alive. I would lift everything and not let her help. This was great until I pulled a muscle in my back and almost cried in front of her. But I powered through like any mutant 13-year-old and did even more damage to my back.  Here is the kicker.  After we were done with the project she invited me to go with a group of friends to grab pizza and celebrate.  I couldn’t, I hurt SO BAD!  My chance at true love had abruptly ended and Jeff Butler (yes that is his real name and I hope he reads this someday—and he still owes me $3.24 for a breakfast I bought him) stepped in during that party and asked her to our spring dance. JERK! I went home in physical and emotional pain. 

I wonder how many things we miss out on in life because we lifted wrong. LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS NOT WITH YOUR BACK.  I wonder how much influence and leadership (that’s what leadership really is by the way—influence) we have missed by not dealing with the pain in our lives until it becomes so great that we have to withdraw from everyone who wants to cheer for us, so that we can heal or at least let the wound scab over and hope nobody notices.  I hope you are drawing the parallels from all of this.  We all lift a ton of weight in our lives, but we don’t have to lift it alone and we don’t have to lift it wrong.  I would love to help you, or as we say in the gym “Spot You” so that you don’t feel crushed.  Deal with that pain and remember to LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS NOT WITH YOUR BACK. 

Oh yeah one more thing—Cheer for others as they lift.  Point out the good not the bad.  Help them see their influence.  Speak into them - not at them.  Love them, even when it’s hard.  Encourage them, even when life seems discouraging.  I promise (money back guarantee) that when you do, you will also have a better outlook on life!  Enjoy your day and remember “Not every day is good, but there is good in every day!”  Now go LIFT WITH YOUR LEGS, NOT WITH OUR BACK!

What’s Wrong With Me?

What’s Wrong With Me?

It’s a question all of us ask at some point in our lives.  “What’s wrong with me?”  Maybe it’s after someone we love has left us, or after losing a job. Or maybe you are like me, and you locked your keys in your car 3 times in 2 weeks and the same locksmith came to your house each time and you walked away from that situation asking, “What is wrong with me?”  We ‘kind of’ mean it as a rhetorical question, but at the same time we ‘sort of’ want an answer—but only if it is a good one.  “Brice you are so focused on others you just forget where your keys are sometimes!”  “You were too advanced for that job and probably just threatened the CEO!” “They were broken and just didn’t know how to be loved the “right” way!”  Those are the good answers we want to hear but somewhere inside of us (me) I know that there was actually something wrong with me.  “Brice, you are too scattered and disorganized right now in life, slow down and pay attention!” “Your personality was too combative, you were too passive, your skill set wasn’t quite right, you didn’t fit on the team the way you should have so we had to let you go.”  “You didn’t invest yourself in the relationship like you should have and closed yourself off and became cold.”  What’s wrong with me?

It is a tough question to ask and an even harder one to hear an answer to sometimes.  Nearly three years ago I was forced to ask the question, “What is wrong with me?” After coming home from the gym to a group of friends who arrived early at our house.  I walked in the door and one of my friends who was an ER doctor came over and asked, “What’s wrong with your neck?”  There was a bulge on the right side. I told him I had been working out so there was a pretty good chance it was just muscle.  He told me to go get it checked.  Like a good man I did exactly what he said to do, ONE YEAR LATER.  The bulge continued to get bigger and when I lifted weights and strained, it protruded out of the side of my neck.  Personally, I thought it was pretty cool to brag about and for party tricks, but I finally relented and went to get it checked.  I started with my family doctor, who immediately sent me to an ENT. What’s wrong with me?

The ENT ordered an xray, CT Scan, MRI, and did an ultrasound on site. I started looking all this up to see what it actually meant and after the ultrasound I was excited to find out that I was not pregnant—it was only a tumor in my neck!  I thought he would just say something like, “It’s all good, bro! Just rub this cream on it and it’ll go away!” I wish it was that easy. The doctor said, “while you’re here today, we might as well drain it.” Honestly, I wanted to go home and keep my cool party trick in my neck, but I didn’t want to turn in my ‘man card’ for being a wuss.  “Okay, let’s do it”. What’s wrong with me?!

The nurse was very nice, but a little condescending when she took my hand and held it and said, “It’s going to be okay. The bigger they are the more scared they are (kind laugh ensues)”.  My first thought was—note to self, no Christmas card for her.  The doctor inserted the needle guiding it with the ultrasound machine so that he hit the problem area.  He started draining it and filled one giant syringe and then ½ of another.  He pulled out the needle and held gauze against the side of neck as if I were bleeding out and asked the nurse to get me a glass of water. Personally, I was thinking whiskey and a stick would have been a lot better twenty minutes ago, but whatever.  They sat me up and gave me the water and I asked if I could lay back down.  I about fainted, 3 times.  I WAS a wuss!  What is wrong with me?  I looked in the mirror and I had completely sweat through my shirt. I looked like I had run a marathon. Regardless, I was glad it was over.

I asked the doctor what was next, and he said, “we will let you know but don’t worry”.  Don’t worry?  Seriously?  I came in to have you give me topical cream to make all my problems go away and now I have been lanced and drained and my “specimen” is being sent off for pathology. Are we talking about cancer here? And I can’t even stand up straight without fainting. Don’t worry?  What is wrong with me?!  He told me, “You have nothing to worry about.  We see these all the time, although yours is bigger than most - almost all of them come back clear.  We will call you in 2-3 days to let you know”.  “Almost always?”  I am the guy that locked his keys in the car three times in the past two weeks.  I am the guy who has been trapped in the lady stall of the public restroom more times than I can count because I don’t pay attention to small details.  I have been lost driving, over-drafted my bank account because I tried to predict when my paycheck would get deposited and when the check I wrote would clear and usually always came up short.  I am that guy! so “almost always” doesn’t really apply here. Two days later I got the call that the pathology came back clear.  What is wrong with me? NOTHING—or at least that’s what I thought. 

I thought it was just a weird fluke cyst, until about 6 months later I was lifting weights and I noticed something bulging out of the side of my neck again.  My first thought was, “hello little friend, you are back to go do some more party tricks!” and then reality sat in and I thought well that has to be a muscle because I had the tumor drained.  So, I did what any good man would do, I watched it grow for the next month or so.  But I started having other symptoms, like losing my voice, having difficult hearing in my right ear, and trouble breathing and sleeping at night. After avoiding it for as long as I could and trying to hide it by wearing turtlenecks (which are very unstylish and hot to wear in Florida) I went back to my ENT.  I did not want the needle again, but knew I needed to get this thing checked out.  Upon looking at it this time, he told me I need to go see a different ENT.  My first assumption was I must be special and deserve better care than the medieval torture that I had received prior.  I came to find out they just have fancier equipment and charge your insurance company more, but they did have free coffee and bottled water in their lobby so I attempted to drink the value of my copay. 

After more weeks of waiting I finally got an appointment and went to see him.  After another x-ray and MRI, his first words to me after introducing himself were, “Man, that is a big bulge in your neck!”  My response was, “Actually doc, I am just excited to see you.”  The fun part about going to lots of doctor appointments is you can repeat the same jokes over and over to really perfect them and see what works.  So it was that response or “Thanks, I get that all the time!” The first one was a winner and got a good laugh out of him, although I have found that the ENT community lacks in humor compared to the Oncology department (those are some funny people). 

After telling me everything the last doctor told me, he said that the cyst had grown back larger and much faster than it should have, and he wanted to send me to a head and neck surgeon. Well, that escalated quickly!  Can’t we try the needle thing again? I was out of jokes. Cancer was back on the table now. What is wrong with me?!  This doctor was concerned how large it was and that it’s likely attached to some lynch nodes. He referred me to a surgeon in Pensacola that was supposed to give me a call in the next few weeks.  A few weeks? Whew, I thought this was important.  So I went home and downplayed it all again but told some friends and family who then started advocating on my behalf by encouraging me to call and push them to act more quickly.  This was too long to wait!  Well, I really wasn’t looking forward to having my head filleted open and what happens if they DO find something.  At least right now I just have a cool party trick that I can show off and share couple good jokes about. 

Long story short! A friend knew one of the surgeons in the area that specializes in this and he called on my behalf and they got me an appointment the following day. Other people told me this was God working in the details of my life and my story, but to me it seemed like things just kept getting serious faster than I was ready for. Honestly, I have a lunch appointment tomorrow so it might not be a good day for me.  I changed my plans (by request) and went in to get another MRI, CT Scan, and Ultra Sound (Still not pregnant). (keep in mind this is now the 4th doctor I’ve seen for the same issue). I imagine the people at my insurance claims division were cussing my name by this point, but little did they know it was about to get worse.  The doctor sat me down after looking at everything and said, “you have a cyst about the size of an oblong softball in your neck that you probably have had from birth, but for whatever reason it’s filled up and grown recently.” It’s called a bronchial cleft cyst.  It appears it is attached to a lymph node and runs down past your voice box into your chest cavity.  We do not know what damage it has done, and probably has all of the nerves on that side of your body wrapped around it.  It may even be pushing on neurological portions of your brain that could cause problems”.  My first thought honestly was that is why I keep locking my keys in my car and losing things!  I knew it wasn’t really my fault, it is a medical condition!  (I wonder if I will get a handicap sticker or if this will get me to the front of the line at Disney.)

What about a cancer doctor? We are not sure, but need to test for more types and places but it is definitely not in the cyst because due to the size you would already be dead.  Which I told him, would make this appointment very awkward, i.e. Weekend at Bernie’s.  So what do I need to do?  Drum roll… More tests. He sent me to Shands Hospital Oncology department in Gainesville for specialized cancer testing and… we need to drain it… AGAIN.  What is wrong with me?? 

At some point you start wondering where this is heading.  Does it really matter?  I am worth more dead than I am alive (at least on paper).  When you get to the point of 4-7 doctor appointments per week you start feeling like everything is slipping out of your control.  Here is the thing though, I know it is not too much different in most areas of our lives.  We all love control at some level.  Control of our job, our schedules, our relationships, where the peanut butter is on the shelf, if the toilet paper is rolled over or under, etc.  It doesn’t really matter but when you feel like everything is slipping out of your control I usually try to hold on tighter.  What is wrong with me?

“The pain we hold onto from our past only prohibits the purpose of our future…“

At our fundamental core all of us have SOMETHING wrong with us.  Past pains, problems, broken relationships, financial failures, sickness, depression, anxiety, pride, and a few of you reading this actually think you have it all together which is the scariest WRONG you could ever have because there is no acceptance or awareness of the issue.  Once we embrace our problem(s) and allow others to come alongside us, the quicker we are able to start growing through them.  Please don’t miss these steps:

1) Admit—you have something wrong with you.

2) Accept—that they have an effect on how you live your life.

3) Ask for and receive help—others to come into your pain and problems and know the real you.

When you do this, then co-workers become friends and family (good ones), friends who you watch the game with or went shopping with are now friends who are closer than a brother or sister.  They can see into you in ways you never allowed before, so that you can continue to grow as a person and as a friend. 

Don’t worry, I didn’t stay at Shands (this made the 5th doc I’d seen for this issue thus far). They stuck things in my nose, down my throat, needles in my gums, and did a head scan (was very excited they found a brain although it was not as large as I thought it would be) and no cancer was found anywhere.  I just had a giant cyst in my neck that still needed to be removed.  As much as I had been feeling sorry for myself and my “condition,” it was humbling walking through the oncology department realizing instantly how healthy and blessed I was. Perspective matters. I was reminded of something my grandfather told me one time: “Brice, if you can wipe your butt and tie your own shoes then you are in GREAT health!”  Pretty true statement right there.  As I drove home after Shands, I simply had to change my mindset to look at what was ahead and not focus on all I had gone through. 

What is wrong with me?  I don’t know, but I promise something is!  What are you going to do with it?  Hide behind it?  Get angry?  Deny it? Cover it up?  Lie about it?  Compensate for it? Or dig in and admit, accept, and allow others to be a part of it!  It is not easy, and I am living proof that these steps will take a can take a lifetime if you don’t face them when you should, but they not only allow me to grow as a leader but help everyone that I allow to come into my circle of influence.  I hope you will continue to grow as a Transparent Leader and show others the real you.