P…oison
As I created an acronym for what negative P.R.I.D.E could stand for, the first word that came to my head when I thought of the letter P was POISON.
PRIDE—Week 2.
P…oison
As I created an acronym for what negative P.R.I.D.E could stand for, the first word that came to my head when I thought of the letter P was POISON. I can’t think of a clearer word of what negative pride begins to do in our lives. Pride affects every area of our lives. It affects our thoughts, actions, relationships, how we receive information and how we give information. It will affect what is important to us and how we will spend time trying to achieve whatever that is. When we all allow negative pride to enter into our lives unchecked it begins to spread under the surface of our lives unnoticed, at first, until the poison spreads so far that it finally becomes apparent externally as well.
When I think of poison, I think of a slow killer. It can work fast but normally people don’t seek to take poison to do self-harm. Normally, people who are poisoned or are exposed to poison do not even know it until there are other issues that affect them so they finally seek help from a physician to diagnose their pain. The same is true in our lives. I have never met anyone who purposely desires to be prideful and looks for every way possible to push this poison in their lives so that it will destroy them. However, I have met hundreds if not thousands of people who allowed pride to enter into their lives (many times unbeknownst to them) until it started causing enough pain in their lives that they finally sought help from a counselor, pastor, accountability partner, friend, consultant, life coach, etc. Poison also does not just come into our lives slowly, at least in my experience, it also takes time to get it out of our lives as well. You don’t gain 20 pounds overnight and you can lose them overnight either.
Once the poison of pride is diagnosed and accepted, then the hard work begins of building new boundaries, priorities, and behaviors to embrace change. In my experience, it causes me to go to people I have relationships with and apologize and begin the rebuilding process of trust. One of the areas that is the hardest to change is our thoughts. They are like a tape recorder (Google that if you are under 20) that has continued to re-record message after message, after message, after message. Eventually, even though you can record a positive message over the old negative prideful ones—just like when you record over an old song on a tape recorder—you can hear the old message under the new one. I remember when I was a teenager and we used to make “mixed” music tapes by listening to the radio and recording on a tape player our favorite songs. This took some serious skill! You had to wait patiently listening to the radio all night and have your tape recorder set and ready to push record. Inevitably I would either start it a little early and get the DJ talking or a couple of seconds late and miss the first part of the song. I still have a box of these tapes in my attic for some reason. Most of these tapes have been recorded 6-7 times and as you listen to them, every so often you can hear the music behind the music of other things that I recorded.
That is how our thoughts are! I have old negative thoughts that have been recorded over and over and over and now I am listening to new positive ones, but then… all of a sudden an old thought pops through. My actions have changed. My behaviors have changed. My relationships are good. But my thoughts keep creeping back in no matter what I do. They don’t control me like they used to, but they slow me down and remind me of who I really am. I am prideful and selfish and if given the right circumstances, I can become very negative if things go unchecked in my life.
I hope that is not you, but I would dare to bet pieces of it may be. I am trying to learn to use these thoughts that creep in as a warning light in my life. Like when a warning light comes on in your car, you slow down and pull it in the shop to figure out what is wrong so that you don’t cause more damage. This is what I try to do with my life as well. But if I am really honest, slowing down is not easy for me. At least in a productive way. It is easy for me to sit down and watch hours of mindless TV, but not necessarily slow down to have the conversations I need to have to diagnose where these thoughts are coming from. Therefore the poison of pride will keep spreading until I mix the right things together in my life to form an antidote.
Pride
Much has been written and said about Pride throughout history. Sometimes speakers and authors put a positive spin on it: “Have pride in what you do!”. Sometimes there are negative connotations: “Pride is at the center of all your
Pride
Much has been written and said about Pride throughout history. Sometimes speakers and authors put a positive spin on it: “Have pride in what you do!” Sometimes there are negative connotations: “Pride is at the center of all your problems—it is the love of yourself.” Over the past few years “PRIDE” has been associated with equal rights for the LGBTQ community—“PRIDE: Love is Love”. The topic of PRIDE has been a central part of sermons, conversations, protests, rallies, joy, sorrow, anger, accomplishment, and the list goes on and on. What is it about pride that causes so much confusion and disillusionment?
The dictionary defines pride as, “noun: pride; plural noun: prides”
1. a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
"the team was bursting with pride after recording a sensational victory"
Similar: pleasure, joy, delight, gratification, fulfillment, satisfaction, sense of achievement, comfort, content, contentment, a person or thing that arouses a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction.
"the swimming pool is the pride of the community"
Similar: source of satisfaction, pride and joy, darling, apple of someone's eye, treasured possession, admiration, object of admiration, joy, delight, marvel
2. consciousness of one's own dignity.
"he swallowed his pride and asked for help"
Similar: self-esteem, dignity, honor, self-respect, ego, self-worth, self-image, self-identity, self-regard, pride in oneself, pride in one's abilities, belief in one's worth, faith in oneself, amour propre
3. confidence and self-respect as expressed by members of a group, typically one that has been socially marginalized, on the basis of their shared identity, culture, and experience.
"the bridge was lit up in rainbow colors, symbolic of LGBT pride"
4. LITERARY: the best state or condition of something; the prime.
"in the pride of youth"
5. a group of lions forming a social unit.
Why is it that the dictionary appears to define “pride” as a positive thing (or at the least not a negative thing) and scripture and religious traditions appear to define “pride” as a negative. I think it has much to do with the balance of pride in our lives. Stay with me on this.
According to many scriptures pride is a sin—a negative not a positive--(Prov. 8:13) but how would you define it from Scriptures? Pride causes the wicked to lie about the righteous (Psalm 31:18) and “For the sin of their mouths, the words of their lips, let them be trapped in their pride” (Psalm 59:12). So, a person who is proud will lie about others and even about themselves but in time, they will “be trapped in their pride” and get caught in their own lies. A person will usually lie to make themselves look better and others look worse. There is also the bent toward violence, and because “pride is their necklace; violence covers them as a garment” (Psalm 73:6). Jesus gave us a list of the depravity of man when He mentioned its source: “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person” (Mark 7:21-23). Pride is mentioned in the same breath as is sexual immorality, adultery, deceit, sensuality, and slander. So, pride can be defined as someone who customarily lies, and the list Jesus gave us that come out of the human heart in Mark 7:21-23.
Now if I am honest (which is usually not a characteristic of pride), I struggle with pride. Not to deflect and lessen my responsibility, I think we all do. Maybe we lie to others, maybe we lie to ourselves, or maybe we lie to God. Pride easily sneaks into our lives if we are not on guard to keep it as a positive definition in our lives before it controls and destroys us as a negative in our lives. I love the way that Theodore Roosevelt put it: “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” I don’t know about you, but that is pretty accurate for me. When pride turns from a positive to a negative it is when we put a capital I in “prIde” which causes us to put a capital I in “sIn”. Whatever your spiritual background (we all have one) we can all agree what we have all done things wrong that have hurt others. Whatever word you want to assign to those behaviors is not the point. What is at the center of our actions, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors is I, me, Brice.
And here is the thing, I am great at justifying them. In fact, I am a professional. I have been doing it my whole life. Sometimes more at times than at others, but I have continued to go back to what I want, what I need, what I deserve. That doesn’t even sound bad to me as I write this and at some physiological and psychological level there is a need for that, but when anything is done in excess in our lives then we are out of balance and have a tendency to lean too far one way or another. In this case, it is easy for me to lean to far into a negative pride which causes a destruction in my life and the lives of others who love and support me. Again, no matter what your spiritual beliefs or background (remember we all have one) this is something that can destroy us at its worst or affect us at “thing” that affects us all, but at the time I am fearful of not leaving room for grace and the opportunity to be forgiven by others, God, and ourselves for the pride we have allowed to control our lives. Over the next 5 weeks I am going to create an acrostic (a little cheesy I know) of the word P.R.I.D.E. and deal with different elements of pride that I have dealt with in my life, and continue to. I hope you will join me on this journey and learn and grow as a leader. I also hope you will be transparent in your leadership journey about how you wrestle with pride. Below are some initial thoughts to consider about pride and humility (which has been defined as the opposite of negative pride).
PRIDE: “My will be done"
HUMILITY: “Thy will be done”PRIDE: “It’s my body, I can do with it what I want”
HUMILITY: “This is my body given up for you”PRIDE: “Seeks to accumulate praise for ourselves”
HUMILITY: “Seeks the glory of God”PRIDE: “Concerned with WHO is right”
HUMILITY: “Concerned with WHAT is right”PRIDE: “Loves only oneself”
HUMILITY: “Loves God and man”PRIDE: “Proclaims falsely the sufficiency of self.”
HUMILITY: “Acknowledges the truth of the greatness and power of God”
Where do you fall on these lists? What other thoughts and feelings did this evoke as you thought through your life? Maybe you are like me and came up with some great excuses for why this is “not me.” Wherever you are at, would you risk being a transparent leader as we journey together over the next few weeks?