When You Don’t Really Know What’s Next

When You Don’t Really Know What’s Next (Even Though They Told You)

Well, the doctor appointments were over and I was home. Now I waited for a few more test results before they told me what I needed to do. Everyone around me worried and thought about it enough for me, so I just tried to block it from my mind and go back to work, life, getting up every 1-2 hours, and peeing 7-10 times per night while I waited. When people keep asking you how you are doing and you are up all the time and not sleeping, you have plenty of time to think about that question and to start to get a little stressed. Why couldn’t they ask me, “What is your favorite rock band and why?” or “If you had to choose 5 things to go do in the next year and money was not an issue, what would they be?” That would have been awesome, but no, I was asked, “How are you doing?” “Have you heard anything yet?”  “Are you sleeping any better?” I know people were well meaning, but I felt like getting a T-shirt printed with answers on it to save time and energy. It has served as a great lesson to me to not ask questions of people who are medically struggling, but just make statements. 

They told me it would be 3-5 days and then the doctor would call to confirm any tests and to follow up on what would be needed next. Three days went by pretty quickly and I did not have any expectations, but something happened on day 4-5 when I did not hear anything. At first, anxiety started to hit me when I wondered when the doctor was going to call, and then when I did not hear from him on day 5, I started to worry and wondered if they forgot about me (a message I send to myself quite often from my past). Finally, I started to think if they didn’t contact me yet it must not be important and everything must be okay. The people around me were getting very impatient and pushing me to call and follow up through my medical portal. Honestly, I never had signed into my medical portal in the past 1.5 years of going through this, so I wasn’t even sure what that meant, but it sounded pretty cool. It sounded like I got to travel through some time dimension or something—“Let me enter into my medical portal—I will be right back.” I knew at this point I wasn’t dying, so honestly, I wasn’t too concerned about not hearing anything… but like I said, I had enough people around me who were anxious and overly worried that they were able to give me their extra anxiety and fears.

On day six I got an email that my medical portal had been updated, but again had no idea how to sign in so I forwarded it on to my wife/medical assistant (for tax write-off purposes I gave her this title) to check it for me. The doctor sent a message that everything looked good, but surgery would be needed to fix my frequent urination problem. The doctor finally called to go over the type of surgery I would need (don’t ask me the name of it—I can’t pronounce or spell it therefore I can’t remember it). It was a simple surgery the doctor said would only take about an hour. They would keep me in the hospital overnight for observation and to make sure I could pee after it was over and then send me home. Sounded simple. Awesome. Pee problem solved! I get to sleep again! Let’s do it.

I didn’t really understand what the surgery was except they were going to put a laser up inside my body and trim off a portion of my prostate. I also had a small cyst in my bladder and prostate that they would remove via the laser at the same time. Of course the only thing that came to my head was the Austin Powers movie when Dr. Evil said, “Are those frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads?” - which made me laugh and I thought that would be pretty cool, but then quickly remembered how they have to navigate to get to my prostate. Suddenly sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their head didn’t sound so good! OUCH! After getting my mind back to what the doctor was saying (I missed a big portion of the conversation thinking about the Austin Powers movie), he asked if I have any questions. Since I didn’t really hear anything that he said, I didn’t really have any questions. “No, I think I got it—lasers—prostate—a little zap here—a little zap there—and I get to go pee like a 20-year-old again! I’m good…when can we do it?” He told me scheduling would reach out to me to schedule surgery, but it would be in the next two weeks. The doctor also told me that he was very confident that this would work, but he had to let me know there was about a 3-5% chance this would not work. Another movie quote from Dumb and Dumber popped in my head, “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” It’s hard being me!

Well, back to the waiting game to see when surgery would be. I returned to my normal life of no sleep and regular bathroom visits. I will be honest—during this whole process I began to sit when I pee. Before I lose a man card, it was because I was so tired and I was always there. I got tired of lifting the lid and then putting it back down (lazy, I know, but very courteous at least). I could actually rest in the restroom if I sat down. So, I embraced the feminine position to pee and IT WAS AWESOME. Some days I actually fell asleep peeing. Crazy, I know! I checked email, Facebook, returned emails, texts. I was taking multitasking to a whole new level but I embraced this new lifestyle—wondering how much joy I had missed in the previous 49 years of my life simply standing up and staring at the wall. It’s nice as a guy that I can be a switch hitter and stand or sit, but if I am honest I am going to stay true to a sitting lifestyle from here on out.

I was sitting there going pee and checking my email and saw that that a message just came through to my medical portal. So I did what any man would do—I stood up after peeing and went and asked my wife to tell me what was going on. She soon signed on to my portal (by the way I still have never signed on to this modern contraption) and they had sent a date and time with an appointment for that afternoon to call me to confirm. They called and the nurse went over some of the game day details and used some more big medical jargon to justify charging insurance and then asked if I had any questions. “Well, only one. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?” (I had always wanted to ask a doctor this, but forgot every time I was in their office, but this seemed like the perfect opportunity.) She laughed on the other end of the phone and then said, “Only if you aim really well!” Awesome—I liked her.

So everything was set for my surgery in ten days. Now it was time to WAIT and WONDER and WORRY! These seem to be the 3-W’s of life, don’t they? We go through our whole life waiting for what is next, wondering what it will be, and worrying if it is going to be enough, or the right thing, or what I really need, or what my kids need, or will it be safe, or… (you fill in the blank of your life). It’s amazing how these three words continue to pop back into my life. When you find out you are going to be a parent, you wait for what seems like an eternity for the baby to finally get here. You wonder if you have what it takes to be a parent or even just wonder what it will be like to be one. Then we worry we will mess this kid up, or what will this do to our marriage, my life, my bank account, my free time, my… Or maybe you experienced these 3-Ws early in life waiting to hear if you made that team, that organization, got accepted into that college, received that job, to hear that health report, to receive those legal papers, the first time your teenager takes the keys to the car, the second time your teenager takes the keys to the car, and the list goes on and on and on. It seems we wait, wonder and worry most of our life.

I don’t know about you, but I hate waiting. Most leaders do, but wise leaders know, however, that it is part of a fermentation process. Waiting produces patience, and patience produces endurance. I have to remind myself often that I am in a marathon, not a sprint (even though sometimes I have to pick up the pace). Waiting is a humbling reminder that there is not too much in this world that I can really control. One area we can control are our thoughts during the waiting period. We are 100% responsible for the thoughts in our mind that lead to actions in our lives. Good or bad, we are responsible for them. And with each one of them come consequences—good and bad (and sometimes neutral). Waiting is an art form that is best illustrated in my mind by watching surfers. I am not a surfer. I wish I was, but I grew up in South Dakota where our water was frozen the majority of the year. Plus, I don’t want to drown or get eaten by sharks and surfing could cause both of those things. But I love to watch surfers—especially good ones. On one of my visits to the North Shore of Oahu I stopped and got some fresh shrimp and sat with about 50 people, three seals, and two sea turtles who came up on the shore while I watched four surfers paddle out to try to catch some 10-14 foot waves (relatively small for some of these surfers I later found out). They would paddle out and go to where there was a breaking point in the ocean—that place where the ocean floor shifted from deep to becoming shallow which helped push the water up causing what would become a swell and eventually a wave to ride into shore. These guys (sorry, ladies, it was four guys) sat on their boards and caught their breath. On their paddle out to the break they easily missed 3-4 great waves, but they weren’t in the right position to receive them so they waited and kept going. After catching their breath, they laid flat on their boards and waited and watched. Honestly, I can’t tell a good swell from a bad swell—they all looked swell to me! Somehow they could tell which ones were going to be great waves and which ones were going to break up too soon. Waiting creates wisdom! Finally, after what seemed a lifetime of sitting on the beach, eating shrimp, and watching the monk seals scoot closer to me as they made weird sounds, one of the surfers began to paddle like there was a shark behind him (I checked and did not see one). He followed the direction of the wave until the swell had risen out of the water just enough for him to use its momentum to push him and do the majority of the work. It was amazing. The swell got bigger and bigger and started to create a crest that was going to break at what seemed like 100 feet tall to me. Even though it was only about 14 feet high, it was going to be enough to create an incredible ride and a barrel that he would be able to go through and put on an amazing show.

It was not only amazing to me how they know what wave to take, but also it was equally as amazing that he knew exactly when to stop because if he went too far he would hit a bunch of volcanic rocks. Not only was his focus on a hundred different things that he was doing to surf this incredible wave, but he also knew his exact location in the ocean. Amazing. In his waiting he watched and learned from the ocean and from others. He counted how long he had to get up and get going and then in his mind knew how long he had left to enjoy the ride before he had to get off the board and then paddle back out and start again. Waiting creates patience that creates endurance. These surfers were there before I got to the beach and stayed after I left. I was easily there for two hours and was worn out just watching them. But when you have a passion for something and you learn to wait for just the right timing, then time doesn’t really matter. You simply enjoy the ride.

“Wonder” is an interesting word. I can wonder what is going to happen in a particular situation and I can be in wonder of what is happening or is going to happen in a particular situation. I get to choose which way to approach the word and the situation, which will determine my thoughts and attitudes. If I approach it and wonder what is going to happen, most likely worry will be the natural outcome. However, if I approach situations with a wonder and amazement of the possible good can occur through this situation, the natural outcome is normally finding good in all situations even though it may appear to be bad on the surface. Whenever I speak to people who have had or who are going through cancer treatments, they speak about how hard it is. But the ones who look for good in a bad situation are always amazed and in wonder about the good that comes from it. A deeper spiritual faith. A priority of building relationships with those that we love. Focusing on the things that matter most. Realizing that even though I am struggling, I am still blessed. An understanding of how fragile life is and how important it is to live every day to its fullest. However, people I meet who wonder what is going to happen next live in a state of worry and anxiety and fear. Medical science actually proves that people who have positive attitudes experience less ailments and sickness than those who don’t. It also shows that recovery times are less, as well as the probability of fully recovering. Our minds are an incredible and powerful thing.

I wish we didn’t worry, but we all do. If you have ever had to take your child to the hospital, you have experienced this. You can have all the wonder (in a positive way) that you want, but you would not be human if you did not worry. If you didn’t, you might be considered a sociopath. I experienced this when my daughter was three and was diagnosed with a rare form of pneumonia. She was taken after three days to a children’s hospital where she continued to worsen and medicine was not killing the virus. She lost 10% of her body weight and became more and more lethargic. Her lungs began to fill with fluid and they had to insert a drain to keep them usable. They had to draw blood and take x-rays 4-5 times per day. I went from worry to fear to an anxiety that I had never experienced before. By God’s grace my little girl came through this experience after 2 ½ weeks in the hospital, but through it I learned something very important about myself and worry.

When we lose control of a situation or simply can’t control it, we oftentimes hold on tighter and try harder to control it, only causing our worry and anxiety to grow and oftentimes feeling out of control. Fortunately, I had people wiser than me come alongside of me and remind me that there was nothing that I could control in this situation, so to let go and trust the process. I needed to focus on what I could control, like my thoughts and actions, and let go of the process that I could do nothing about. This honestly was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but when I finally submitted to this, I was able to love my daughter more effectively, as well as those around me. I felt the burden lighten even though it was heavy and I felt more connected to those around me and not isolated like I did when I was trying to control everything. The tighter we hold on what we are trying to control, the less ability we have to grab onto other things that may be more important. When I let go of holding on to trying to heal my daughter, it allowed me to grab hold of loving her more. I was more present and available to her, others, and my own self-awareness.

Transferring these principles to our leadership, this is vital if we are going to influence others instead of trying to control others. Teaching and modeling to your teams how to wait effectively, while continuing to prepare is a skill that needs to be implemented. Most businesses fail because they either try to grow too fast or they wait too long to change. It is being wise enough to wait for that perfect wave to ride and being aware and wise enough to know when to jump off, so you don’t crash into the rocks! Teaching your teams how to have a positive outlook and to approach each day with wonder will unleash a creativity in them that is needed to keep your organization alive and new. Look at companies like Amazon or Google or Apple or Pixar who create spaces and time for their people to be innovators and to just sit and wonder what it would be like if their craziest ideas could come true. The 3M company did this by allowing just a few minutes a day for their teams to dream and wonder. Out of this, the post-it note was created and revolutionized the business. What ideas are just sitting on the shelf of your organization because you are more focused on what needs to be done, instead of what could be done? What about in your family or your personal life? Create a time and place to simply wonder and dream. Remember that worry will happen! It is what you learn to do with the worry that will determine your effectiveness and your vision. You will either look inward to yourself about how are you going to do this, or you will look outward to others about how you can effectively and creatively invest in them to create change in innovative ways.

Here is the most powerful part of all this. You get to decide and are completely in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions during this process of waiting, wonder, and worry! Lead well and model that for your team, your family, and those who are observing you. Let me encourage you to be intentional about teaching others this and explaining it so that they can grab hold of these leadership principles. Use team meetings to demonstrate this. And of course, if you need help I would be honored to come alongside you and cast vision to your team and provide coaching to help you lead well!

When You Really Need a Friend!

When You Really Need a Friend!

Some days more than others we just really need a friend. That might be the first thing you completely agree with in this read. That’s okay! I know leaders are not always good at friendships. I also know the larger the organization one leads, the smaller the circle of friends they usually have. Seems like it should be the opposite, doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong—we have tons of “social media friends” and networking friendships, but very few have really close friends. They may even have a coach or mentor, but not close friends—the type of friends who are closer than a brother or sister. I know that I fit into this category and as I talk to friends in high places of leadership, the ones who have overcome this are the ones who are VERY intentional about developing and maintaining friendships. I am an introvert and want to be alone many times, but sometimes no matter how much I may want be alone I continue to discover that I need to have a friend there with me! Can you relate to that?

This is exactly what happened for me at the Mayo Clinic—I needed a friend. Test #1 was over and I headed back to a night alone at the hotel across town. They have a nice complementary salad bar/snack hour for guests, so I decided to make this my dinner and just stay in and watch a movie and get ready for the continued fun tomorrow. I figured more sleep is what I needed the most, not another 32 oz. Bison Steak from Montana Ted’s (although that is always a close second). So I got my salad plate and filled it as high as I could and sat down and pretended I was eating bison. I was the only one who was sitting by myself in the dining area and I thought to myself that it would be nice to have someone to eat with (as long as they didn’t talk too much and ask me questions about what just happened at the Mayo Clinic). Fortunately, there was a TV showing the headline news so I stared at it like I was interested and actually cared about what they were talking about. After a couple plates of rabbit food, I felt full enough and headed up to my room for the night.

Why in the world do hotel TVs have to be so difficult to operate? Isn’t there a Universal TV Programming package that all hotels could be mandated to use? But I regress! I finally found a movie I had not seen and looked halfway interesting, so I laid down on the bed to watch it. As normal, I fell asleep in about 8.5 minutes. Don’t worry, that didn’t last long because 30 minutes later I had to get up and pee. Welcome to my world. After the movie was over and after four more bathroom breaks just to keep it real, I finally turned off the TV and went to bed about 9 p.m. It was a normal night of having to get up another 8 times over the next seven hours. My alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. so I got up and went on downstairs to the room they called a gym. This is the same time I get up nearly every morning. If I sleep in late, I would be getting up at 5:30 a.m. After a short work out (mainly because there was no equipment) I went out to the lobby and had a cup of coffee before going up to my room to get ready for my day.

Unfortunately, I was not supposed to eat any solid foods due to one of my tests, but was allowed to have liquids--but only two cups of coffee (which is cruel and unusual punishment as far as I am concerned). So I sipped my first cup of sweet nectar from heaven and for the second one, was planning to pick up as big a cup that I could buy from Starbucks, with a couple extra shots of caffeinated love-juice to sip on for the rest of the morning. I took a quick shower and packed up my items and headed to the car to go find the closest Starbucks and then head over for my next appointment.

I arrived just as I was supposed to and checked in 30 minutes prior to my appointment. Good job! But here is where it gets interesting. Something new was in my instructions to do prior to my appointment. I had never done this before and the last time I had this test done they did not make me do this. Maybe that is why they didn’t find anything? Maybe that is why the Mayo Clinic is called the Disney World of hospitals? I am not sure, but when I checked in, they had me sign my life away again and told me in 15 minutes I need to go get an enema. A what? “An E-N-E-M-A” — as if I was hard at hearing. I heard you, I just went into a bit of shock because the last time my doctor did this particular test, I did not do an enema. The nurse asked me if my doctor was at the Mayo Clinic, to which I said no. She smiled and looked back at me and said, “Well, that is why, but we need you to do one now.” The nurse asked, “So, what type of Enema would you like?” Seriously? I didn’t know they came in “types.” Are types sizes (because if so I want a really small one)? Do you have any self-inserting ones? How about a scented one? I prefer Clean Linen! She was not amused and said the type depended on the type of test. She looked at my paperwork and put the box in a plastic bag (due to the shame of carrying it where people could see) and sent me back to my seat.

I had never done anything like this, so I went and sat in the back row so nobody could see me open the box and I slid out the instructions. THANK GOD THERE ARE PICTURES IN THESE INSTRUCTIONS! As a guy I rarely read instructions! Who needs them? And if I do get caught reading them, I automatically lose a man card. But this time I felt I should really read through them so as to not hurt myself or someone else standing nearby. There were 16 steps! Really! I looked up online one time and found instructions on “How to disarm a pipe bomb” and it was only 14 steps. I can go and stop virtually any bad habit or addiction with only “12 steps.” And for crying out loud, we are all only 6 steps/degrees or relationships from knowing someone who knows Kevin Bacon! 16 steps for an enema!? I finally got my composure back and realized it was almost game time or at least time for the enema pre-game special. I was 20 minutes out from my exam. I felt like I was cramming (no pun intended) for my college finals, so I looked over the instructions again and gave myself a pep-talk, “You got this, Brice!”

Although this was my first time having an enema, I knew I wasn’t supposed to do this in the lobby while people were waiting, so I went back to the nurse’s station and told them I was ready for my enema. I said it really soft so not to draw attention to myself. Unfortunately, all the nurses heard me and started laughing—so much for not drawing attention to myself. One of the nurses looked at me with a big smile (trying not to laugh) and said, “Oh, honey you have to give that to yourself, unless you brought a friend!” My first thought was, “at least she called me honey—I love the South,’” and then I thought, “What the hell!” Seriously? First, the instructions showed two people and one of them looked like they were in a nurse’s outfit. Second, I am not flexible AT ALL! I really think if I try this alone I am going to pull something or get stuck in a position I DO NOT want anyone to find me in. Third: This is why you need to have VERY good friends. Fourth: Why did I not bring a VERY good friend?

So, I headed off to the bathroom and immediately took the handicap stall so I could spread out and have a little room to move (if I needed it). I don’t know how many germs are on the bathroom walls and floor of the 3rd floor restroom at the Mayo Clinic, but I was up and personal with every one of them! I stretched out a little bit so I didn’t pull a hamstring, and then I laid out all my medical tools (at least that’s what I am calling the items in the box) and instructions on the diaper changing table (thank God for those). I glanced back through instructions and started to get ready for the big event. As an aside, when I am building something and accidentally skip one of the instructions, I can usually figure it out pretty fast and back track quickly so that I can finish everything correctly. However, I only had one enema kit and there was no way that I was walking back up there and asking those nurses for another one. Go slowly, Brice, go slowly. And that is exactly what I did, except I missed one of the instructions--and a very important one.

All the parts lay there on the changing table and I had already scrubbed in as if I was about to perform open heart surgery. I then quickly followed instructions one through eight and I was moving through this like an “enema boss”. Step #8—“Insert nozzle into rectum.” I then started on Step #10 but it didn’t work so I couldn’t go to step 11 and 12. I tried to do it over and over again but the results were the same. I could not eject the fluid from the container and now my muscles in my legs were starting to cinch up from this pretzel like position I had to be in for like 4 hours (at least that’s what it felt like). I read back over the instructions and realized that I had skipped step 9. Step #9—“Please remove the plastic safety seal and safety cap from the top of the enema nozzle so that the fluid can release smoothly.” What? So you are telling me that I stuck that thing up in there with my ONLY package of lube and I squeezed on that thing like I was going to rip it in two and it was not only covered with a safety cap but also a plastic safety seal over the cap. WHY? Is there a big outbreak of people tampering with enemas across the country? After cleaning the tip off (I added this in later so you would not be left wondering), I took off the safety seal and safety top! Step #9 complete, but now I am out of lubrication for a smooth entry. Well, I only saw two options.

OPTION #1: I could get dressed and try to somehow hold my stall so no one who is actually handicapped takes it while I run out to the nurse’s station and somehow try to make asking the question sound cool, “Can I have some more lube please? My first batch was not NEAR enough!” No thanks!

OPTION #2: I was going to just have to do it the old fashion way—Grin and bear it! Well option #1 was NOT going to happen so #2 it is! Well, I succeeded and finished the enema and then went back to sit in the waiting room to wait for my name to be called. I was squeaky clean and I swear every one of the nurses kept staring at me and giggling under their breath. I didn’t care! I felt like an Olympic athlete and was really proud of what I had just accomplished on my own, but I really wish I would had brought a friend.

Thinking about this experience, I don’t know if I have a friend who would have agreed to this (at least sober)! And, thinking about this I don’t know if I would do this for one of my friends. I would hope I would, but, it was pretty nasty doing it to myself. Then I started asking myself, “Who do I love enough to do this for? My kids—sure! My wife—maybe?” I am sure I would for her but it would take a few good runs at it to make it happen and I know I would have some great jokes. Would I do it for someone who I would consider my best or at least better friends? Well, 1) They would have to ask me (I would never give an enema to someone who didn’t ask—that would really take them by surprise), 2) How they ask me would have to be normal circumstances like on the phone or in person sharing their health struggles, NOT over dinner for two, and 3) We would need to have a formal agreement written that we would never joke or speak about this again. That last one is important because if I didn’t agree to that and I helped a friend do this, I would joke about it the rest of his life. “Hey, remember that one time at the Mayo Clinic bathroom where I forgot to take off the plastic safety cap while giving you an enema? Yeah, that was a good time!” Can you imagine walking into the bathroom and hearing that conversation on the other side of the divider? That would be funny!

Did I have any friends like this in my life? It became my litmus test to help me measure how good of friends I have in my life and how good of a friend I was. Everyone should have at least 3 friends (other than relatives) who would be willing to give you an enema in a public restroom any time you need one! Don’t worry, I didn’t go around asking my friends if they would, but I did look for characteristics in them that might lead them to say yes. It also challenged me to invest in these friendships in a different way when I asked the question the opposite way...,”Would I be willing to give them an enema in a public restroom any time THEY needed one?” I don’t know what this would reveal about you, but this revealed some insecurities in my life and helped me to see that I was a pretty lazy friend at times. I think it is normal to take our friends for granted—until we need one to be there for us in a hard time of life. It also reinforced my theory that I continue to see over and over again: The larger the organization a leader is in charge of, the fewer close friends they have. Especially the friends that would give them an enema.

So what do you look for in a friend? Loyalty? That is a good trait! Fun to be around? That is probably needed. How about loving? Not really one we identify when we are looking for a friend, but a trait we love to see in them when they are our friend! Empathy? The older I have gotten this has become more important in my friendships. In fact, it has really helped me categorize my friendships from people who are “acquaintances,” “friendlies,” “friends,” or “close friends”.

Acquaintances are those whom we know and we are nice to each other, laugh together, but really don’t know much about each other. In fact, we may know more about our organization or someone who is a common friend than we actually know about each other. I have hundreds of these.

Friendlies are people who are more than an acquaintance. I see them often and we have short conversations. I know who their spouse and kids are and maybe even an interest or two, but if they would have asked me how all my medical stuff was going during this journey I would have given them the 20-thousand-foot view and not too many details.

Friends are the people who were reaching out by phone, texts, cards, or email and letting me know they were praying for me during all my medical procedures and surgeries. They would check in regularly and didn’t ask if I needed anything, but instead just did something. They brought a meal or came by to take the kids to get ice cream.

Close Friends are the people who took the kids and took my wife to be sure they were getting what they needed. It is the close friend who has a lawn care business who said, “I am going to take care of your yard all season—it is the least I can do.” It’s the handful of people we trust to leave our kids with for 3-5 days while I was in the hospital and needed rest and they did it without blinking. It’s the ones that showed up with Starbucks and didn’t expect a conversation, but were just present giving me space to say or feel whatever I needed too. These are my “enema friends.”

I could go on and on about the different character traits of these different levels of friends, but I want you to think of the friends that you have on these different levels and to define them for yourself. After you have done that, define yourself to each of these friend levels. In other words, how would people you see as friends… see you? I think we all have things we need to work on to be better friends—I know I do—but I also think we have to be very intentional. We need to be as intentional about our friendships as we are about the systems we are implementing to grow the organizations we are leading. Unfortunately, that is rarely, if ever, the case. I know for me—I am so focused on what is ahead of me I can easily ignore everything and everyone around me. However, when I talk to some of the most influential leaders I know, they have developed a different rhythm and have included close friendships as a core priority. They have figured out that they are better together than they are alone. I do believe that you will have friends that will drift between these categories, but I also believe we need 3-4 friends alongside of us to simply do life together in a much deeper way. Close friends that are tried and true are those who have been there for you for years. They have seen the flaws and cracks in your life, and you have seen theirs, but you love each other more (not less) because of them. When you have that kind of friend in your life, you can rest assured that you will always have someone who will give you an enema!